The Addison Cafe

I recently got an email from a member who is about to get married (congratulations!). She had a couple of thoughts that I wanted to shed some light on:

“I’m about to be moving out from my parents and getting married, making myself officially no longer a dependent.  So now I’m starting to scratch my head about budgeting and what to expect.  Like, how much should I expect to spend on groceries, how much rent we can really afford, what to expect to be paying in car, health, home/renters insurance.  I suppose this could kind of be cut down into to separate topics: the cost of officially becoming an independent from your parents (like insurance-wise and such), and budgeting for life’s expenses when you’re clueless as to what to expect.  Then throwing marriage in the mix could also be a different twist.”

Ah, the newlywed stage. Exhilarating and daunting at the same time.  Anyone who has been there knows there is a lot of change, some good and some…uumm… I quickly wanted to touch on the question about how much to expect to spend on groceries, insurance, rent, etc.  Unfortunately, I don’t have a good answer for that one. Everyone has a totally different situation. For example, I moved from Corvallis, Or paying $699 for a nice 3 bed, 2 bath apartment to Mountain View, Ca where we ended up over doubling our rent payment (to 1489/mo not including the extra utilities we pay) for a half-way decent 1 bed, 1 bath apartment. Kind of like living in a walk-in closet…with a dog. Each situation calls for different budgeting. How much do you want to save? Spend? Give away? Invest? What is most important to you? Everyone is unique.

How you spend money as a couple is also tricky. Some couples spend what they each earn. Others do the allowance type thing. Kinda like government…you have communism, dictatorships, democracy, etc. Take your pick :) The number 1 most important thing to do, regardless of your method is to talk about your expectations.  This can save you more trouble than you know. (Don’t forget that financial stress is one of the top reasons for divorce.)  It is amazing how much we subconsciously “assume” our partner will think like us. Most of us find out the hard way that this isn’t true.

I know saying “it’s up to you” doesn’t really help much…but I won’t leave you high and dry. Young couples can’t possibly expect to know all there is to know about finances, so it is wise to seek out people who do know (not older people; I know a lot of those who couldn’t make a smart financial decision to save their life. Seek out wise people whose lives evidence smart financial handling skills). I read 2 books recently that were phenomenal from David Bach, “The Automatic Millionaire” and “Smart Couples Finish Rich”. It doesn’t get better than that (they are fast and fun to read too). Don’t wait to start getting ahead until you are 40; start now.  I would love to hear from anyone who has been impacted by those books (or can recommend other books) or has their 2 cents on making finances work in marriage.

So in summary: Talk a lot and learn a lot. It makes all the difference.

Ah, Merrwidge (as quoted from “The Princess Bride”).  One of the dividing lines between being a kid and an adult, immature and mature (yeah right).  Funny how we all aspire to be married someday (I’m generalizing).  Well, I made it. Got hitched. Jumped the broom. Ball and cha…(just kidding honey).  I must admit, marriage is great. However, an obvious drawback in marriage (for most people) is the inability to spend money on whatever you want, whenever you want.  I suppose you could, but I don’t recommend it unless your couch is comfier than your bed.  Taking this little unspoken rule into consideration, I have some advice. I know you are thinking, “yeah yeah, buy your toys before you get married. I know.”  Ah, but you are mistaken. My advice is to buy your toys before you are engaged.  I have yet to find anyone, male or female, who tells their fiancé “go ahead honey, spend as much as you want…we aren’t married yet”.  You could even replace “engaged” with “seriously committed” if you wanted to get technical. Enjoy your financial freedom today. Make a list of the things you want and a timeline of how long it will take to save for them.  Before I got married my list included a mountain bike, video camera, new computer, and a life-like gorilla suit to name a few.  A quick bit of secondary advice… don’t do this by running out and racking up 20k in credit card debt and then telling your significant other that “the blogger guy at the Credit Union said it was ok”. That’s not buying toys before your engaged, that’s paying extra in interest for them while you are engaged.  What’s on your pre-commitment-must-have list?

Already married? Missed out on your toy buying time of line? There is still hope! Of course, I can’t emphasize enough how important saving for the future is. However, you only live once and for some couples you won’t have that long from the time you start life together until the time you have kids.  I remember going into Toys-R-Us as a kid and feeling like I was in heaven on earth. When you have kids, it is more like going to “Toys-R-Not-US” where you get to buy fun things like diapers, formula, and Flintstone vitamins. So for all you married people out there, you might not be able to spend like crazy on yourselves individually whenever you want, but you can dream and plan together to get the things you want as a couple.  Especially if you want to drive a sporty 2 door car before you have a car seat, or go on a cruise together, travel, or get more invested into a favorite hobby. I don’t have kids yet, though I hear they are great, but I don’t want to miss out on this time of life. Live it up with your spouse. Personally, we like trying out different Bed-and-Breakfasts and hope to go on a cruise someday. What are your big plans?